Why I Play – Van Hellion

One night, while beating the boys at poker over at Pretty Skate Machine’s house, she mentioned roller derby and sold me a ticket to one of the interleague bouts. The bout was a lot of fun, but I was pretty intimidated by the girls. I never thought that I would be one of those girls one day.
During another drunken night at poker at my house, I asked Skate Machine to tell me more about this roller derby. She was so excited to talk derby, and I felt like I found out everything there was to know about it. So I did what any potential derby girl would do; I went out, stole some skates off of a bum, found some pads, and bought some fish nets. Shortly afterwards, Skate Machine took me skating, and made me feel like my “basic” skills were so awesome. I looked forward to nothing more than the fresh meat tryouts.

So here I am. Derby has brought out the confidence in me that I didn’t think I had. I’ve made 20 “sisters” and would trade nothing for these awesome girls.

Tales from the Meat Locker: Frest Meat Zanna

I didn’t know what derby was until Cristie, Van Hellion, got hired at my work. She showed me her tattoos and said “I’m a derby girl!” and I was in awe. So I came to a bout. I couldn’t believe the way these girls moved on skates! I loved watching them annihilate the other team. I have been an athlete all my life and knew this is a sport I had to get into.

I joined this league right before Commotion by the Ocean. It was a huge event at the Virginia Beach Convention Center and I was blown away that 20 girls, (with full time jobs, college classes, husbands, kids) put it together and executed it!! I knew then that this is a group I had to be a part of. These ladies are chargers. Go getters. They make stuff happen and I love that energy.

I had never skated before in my life and the coaches were patient with me as I coasted around the track like a toddler. I finally started to get the hang of it and now my favorite part is getting whips and pushes! I’m still fresh meat so I haven’t really gotten a taste of bone-crushing derby but so far I am obsessed with skating. I like how I get so sore I have to plop into chairs because it hurts too much to lower myself into them. I like how I can’t bear to wear high heels to work because my fatty blisters will pop. I like wearing fish nets and stench filled pads. I have caught the derby disease, the skating syphilis, and I can’t wait to spread it!!

Love,

Fresh Meat Zanna

When I first saw that commercial on TV for roller derby in April 2006…I thought Roller Derby, Whaaatttt thhaaa??? Then I pondered… “If its anything like what i think it is, a full contact race, on skates, them count me IN! I jumped up leaving the snug in the spot I’ve so lazily made for myself over the past year on the couch to ran to the computer. I quickly googled “Virginia Roller Derby” F’in Right! We had a league. I didn’t know anything about Norfolk’s league, how long they had existed, if they were good, and most importantly how can I join? In reviewing the website I easily located the “join” section and starting speed reading to get directly to the contact name! I quickly began writing that email, only to sit and stare at it for what felt like eternity before I clicked send. It seems within minutes I had a reply telling me there was a general meeting that I could come and listen and see for myself who these alleged “derby girls” really were.

Shit. What have I done. I was the most nervous than I’ve ever been. The meeting was at the Chrysler Museum about a week later. A few of the girls worked there at the time and were able to secure us a meeting room. Fancy! I didn’t know Norfolk too well, ya see, I’m a beach girl….needless to say I got lost on my way and had to walk in late. The Nightmare! Everyone was looking at me! I quietly sat in the seat in the corner and glanced around the room. There is so many girls! Did I have to try out. What If i get cut? What if i can’t skate anymore? I thought i was dead meat, all the other girls in there look tough. It was suggested that you should go to an open skate first and get your bearing so to speak before trying out. Also they said they have mandatory PT on Saturdays. I felt my heart fall into my stomach. I was a retail manager of a slow nursery(plants, not kids) out in the middle of no where. Although we were never really busy, I had to be there Saturdays. Well this won’t work out I thought and pushed the whole roller derby thing to the back of my mind.

The seasons passed, spring turned into summer and summer slowly turning into fall. My life went on…One day I was at a Murder No Motive show, selling merch for the band and this girl, I call her fate, but her name was Noelle walked up to me and asked if the band would be interested in playing at the halftime show for roller derby. WHAT! I yelled, Did she really just say roller derby.

She said she was Fresh Meat with DDG and told me about a new round of tryouts the following Thursday! (this was a Saturday night) Little did I know in 5 days my life was about to change.

I had from Sunday morning to Thursday to get my gear. Shit. Gear! What do they wear? What do I need? I went to Dick Sporting Goods, bought, now looking back, the cheesiest skates ever and some bobo pads and a helmet. I was geared up. Thursday rolled around and I got dressed and headed to tryouts. On my way, the boboness of my pads got to me and I stopped by Target for something better. One wouldn’t think that you’d choose a Target over a sporting goods store for protective pads but the trusty Target came though, and I had decent pads to begin with. I arrive early and roll around the rink a few times with the open skate skaters trying to blend in but my gear is screaming BRAND NEW and my face looks petrified! HA! The memories…So it began without a hitch-we all were passes into Fresh Meat status and thus started my training as a Dominion Derby Girl.

The training as a fresh meat was about three months long. Meanwhile back at the Nursery my boss,she was such a feminist you’d think she be all about Roller Derby but, no, her concern was that I’d break something and couldn’t work for her, As she once told me. Really! Well, that, having to work weekends, not being able to travel, and a perfect opportunity opening up for me at my dads shop, I quit retail. I miss working with plants everyday, I really really do. But I think that my degree in Horticulture and my passion isn’t going anywhere. This body won’t be its 20’s forever, i need to skate now!! (Although I’m young at 25 in terms of average derby girls age!) Plus I needed some freaking weekends to myself. I had been in retail forever and was quite sick of it.

I passed my WFTDA training eval in December of 2006. I tried out for the ‘07 Travel Team as a brand spanking new rotten meat and made it. Shit. I was gonna be bouting in 3 weeks! (That same time we were just accepted into the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association(WFTDA). Holy Hell That’s awesome. We were a team that will be nationally recognized. “This is a great time to begin derby” I always told myself!) The captain at the time was Sweet N. Lowdown,transfer skater from Tuscon with a derby background already, told me that since I was new and knew nothing of the game except that I could skate fast, I’d only be jamming. Only be jamming, ONLY, dang that’s huge. That means I would be the only person on the track at a time(besides the other team) that could score points. Well if she wanted to say only, whatever, that was good enough for me! I jammed my ass off that game. And continued from then on being a jammer for Dominion Derby Girls.

I love and let me say it again LOVE to jam. I will jam 99% of the time you hand me the pantie. (Panties are the helmet covers we wear to denote the jammer and pivot) To be a jammer defiantly has its drawbacks. Frankendoll, a current DDG blocker once said to me…”No way!, do I want to jam, You might as well tape a thundered dollar bill to my forehead, there are all out to get me” But that’s what I love. The get me if you can attitude. I’m a big fan of a jammer isn’t any good without the help of her blockers BUT the jammer needs to hold her own as well. One of the biggest things I tell new jammers as they begin is to keep moving your feet. The easiest jammer to stop is one that will stop. Sounds easy enough, huh. So if you keep your feet moving, juking around like a boxer, you can usually out step them. But the second you end up behind someone and stall with your feet, your a sitting duck. Be ready for another blocker to rush in and knock your ass out. The 3 main things I would say when trying to avoid super big takeouts as a jammer is, Don’t take the outside, Don’t stop skating and, use your teammates as pawns on your track. I would say the biggest drawback for me is the pressure. As I mentioned before, you ain’t jack without your blockers, but no one but yourself can pull out the power, endurance, and strategy with split second thinking when barreling into the pack as a jammer.

Jamming also has is advantages. Obviously the name recognition. The announcer usually says the jammers name a few more times than some of the blockers. And in turn, the crowd remembers you. Although some blocker are famous world wide, like Beyonslay from Gotham. The whole damn country knows her name! My favorite thing when jamming is “Open Air Jamming”. I made up the term but its when your pack of blockers do a wonderful job blocking and also helps if the other team isn’t paying attention and you soar right on through the pack. Untouched. Like as if you were flying in a big open space. They are kinda rare but a most excellent feeling. I usually roar when coming out of them?! Habit I guess. Its the Dino in me. I have always begun the game on the jammer line. Being the first jammer makes for your nerves to be amplified 10x. The pressure you feel when your waiting for the second whistle to start the game is huge, but in those moments its when I realize that this is what I love to do.

Skate hard and turn left.

Jamming is a awesome position to play. If you have the endurance, courage and, determination anyone can be a jammer. Whats beautiful about roller derby is that all body types are welcome in derby. Sometimes the wider you are the better you are at pack play! Sweet N. Lowdown weighs about 90lbs and was the best all around player we had.(She has retired and is moving to Abu Dahbi…sigh..)

If you’re thinking about joining, Please do. If you don’t like it don’t stay but, for me and many thousands other across the country, It will change your life.