Photo by: Justin Hankins

So it took me three years. And I still didn’t skate, but I finally made it to Philly for ECE. You see, the first year they had it in March – no go for work. Everyone headed north while I sat in front of a computer screen wondering what they were all doing while I was stuck at home. Second go around I was ready and willing! Even if I had to take days without pay I was going to skate in ECE dammit! But alas, this time I laid flat on my stomach, wrapped tight, barely able to breathe due to my broken ribs. Ah, the luck of the draw usually sucks for me. Murphy’s law,  I suppose. Here we are at 2009, and YET AGAIN I sit staring into space wanting to be in the hot stinky van with a bunch of overly caffeinated derby girls. But apparently getting knocked up sort of curtails your ability to skate in bouts.I had been sidelined since mid January, looking forward to the reprieve that October will bring with the birth of a derby spawn and the ability to return to skates. Don’t get me wrong; I have been a coach for a few years now, on and off skates. But it’s just not the same as being in the game.

I was up at 7:30 Friday morning. Coffee, coco krispies. . . It’s 8 now. The girls will be in Norfolk packing the vans. 8:30 .. .  I can almost hear Ruffian yelling “Lets get a move on ladies! We are running behind!” Followed by the clatter and chatter of half awake derby girls, wondering and asking if they were going to stop for coffee, and if so, when. I steer my gaze away from the morning news to look down at my ever rounding belly and ask the little one inside “You do know that you will hear about this EVERY time you want to do something for at least 18 years right?” I nod off with thoughts of what I would do if I was in Philly and I was skating. .

The phone rings -  10:30. It’s Frankendoll. We already knew T Rex wouldn’t be bench coaching due to travel restrictions during late pregnancy, and Princess America so graciously stepped up in addition to her bouts with Carolina to help call our roster. But now, Hofosho has the flu! “We need a bench coach, Skate, do you think you can get to Philly?” That’s all the push I needed. I told Frankendoll I’d call her back, and immediately got on the phone with the derby widow.

I ask.  He knows how badly I want to go, but he’s not real happy with me traveling in my “delicate condition.” Hmm . . .  but this is why I married him: 20 minutes into the conversation he says “Book the hotel.” He was getting off at lunch and we were both headed to Philly! A quick check in with Frankendoll, Ruffian, and Thunderlips and my bag was packed. 3pm: Skate Machine is on the road north.

We arrive around 9 and get checked in. Food! I need food and sleep ..  Meeting with the captains at 7:30 in the morning, bout at 11.

After cursing the alarm, shower and my one cup of coffee that I’m allowed (boo!) I wander down a floor and find the room the captains will be in. Last minute changes and worries cause a rush of excitement and I spend an hour calming down and figuring out what we need and send the captains off to get ready and be with the team. It all works out and after breakfast with Candy Liver, Frankendoll and Big Fun (spending time with those 3 is an entire blog in itself) we make it to the Sportsplex just in time for me to scramble with some VERY last minute changes and everyone hits the track.

I scream for 2 hours. We didn’t win, but the girls fought hard. I was sweating as much as they were and I was on the sidelines. When it’s all over, they all deserve a break and we go on to watch a few bouts and support our lil sisters, the River City Rollergirls, in a challenge bout. I finish my day with Frankendoll, the Hubby and Dairy Queen. Until the next meeting with the captains at 9pm. This one lasted until around 1am and ended up with a completely different approach to our roster.

The Machine in Action

8am Sunday. Up and at ‘em! Bout at 12:30. Morning routine and meet with captains and team. Maybe this time I can get the rush out BEFORE I get to the ‘Plex. For the most part I did, although we almost ran late due to Frankendoll stopping on the way insisting on helping what we thought was a baby beaver cross the road. Much to our surprise it was a muskrat and after screaming MUSKRAT at it really loud from the car it ran off into the woods. Satisfied that a car wouldn’t squish it, we u-turned and headed back toward the Sportsplex. Apparently there are an unlimited number of times for a GPS to scream at you “RECALCULATING!”  But after about 3, Frankendoll threatens to throw it out the window.

The Sunday bout went about the same as Saturday, score wise. Again, not a win for us, but they fought hard and we learned a lot. I still believe we brought back a different group of skaters than we arrived with. And that’s a good thing. We were working with many fresher skaters (some only on their first or second bout) and at least 2 injured veterans. Then Frankendoll took a really hard hit, followed by having her neck rolled over. This ended with a quick trip to the ER and a diagnosis of a mid-grade concussion and whiplash.

After the Sunday bout, the worser half was waiting outside in the car to head home. With work in the morning and both the Hubby and I being exhausted, we needed to get home. I won’t even go into the delirium that ensued right around the Maryland border but I was laughing so hard I was in tears and almost had to pull over. We still have no idea why. I don’t think he even remembers work Monday. Zombie state took over. And my voice just has begun to return.

All in all, despite the stress, it was a wonderful trip. Everyone played there hardest and everyone got home safe. I’m proud of us. And hopefully next year I can go again.

ON SKATES.

Derby Tripping – Carolina

by Old Skool Beatdown

April 11^th, 2009 was a date to live in infamy. That day, the public witnessed two titans of the East duke it out at J. S. Dorton Arena in Raleigh, NC to see #3 Philly Liberty Belles take on #6 Carolina All Stars in a double hitter. This was an event that The Dominion Derby Girls were not about to miss!

We left Portsmouth in a caravan of about four cars headed by Fresh Meat Laura. What was supposed to be a three and a half hour trip turned into a four hour one thanks to a cheeky GPS and a confused Fresh Meat.

Confused Fresh Meat

Fortunately, we arrived just in time for the introductions and to grab a spot around the track. I immediately found Paris Kills and Raven Darkhold (my beloved Derby wife) from The River City Rollergirls and sat with them during the introductions. To my surprise, Nigel Tuffnails – a former Dominion Head Referee and now a part of the Charlotte Rollergirls – showed
his handsome face and broken foot. He’s such a fantastic man!

Nigel

First the night’s Officiating Staff was introduced, followed by visiting Philly and then the Carolina Rollergirls. Now, if you haven’t been to Dorton arena in Raleigh, this place is big and concrete with a fantastic window design that
bellows in the sunlight so that a lot of the times, the staff has to throw on the sunglasses. It’s the kind of place I wish our League could skate in.

Dorton Arena

Time for the bout! Philly starts off with a bang and pretty much keeps that momentum going for most of the first half with the score 47-10 at the half. Carolina tried to rally in the second, but Philly pretty much it under control. Final score, 85-46 Philly.

CRG vs PRG

Justice Feelgood Marshall of the Derby News Network wrote an excellent bout write-up here:
http://www.derbynewsnetwork.com/2009/04/13/3_philly_muffles_6_carolina_8546

After the Philly bout, the Carolina Bootleggers took on The Honky Tonk Heartbreakers of the Texas Rollergirls out of Austin, TX as part of the second bout of the double hitter. Both teams brought the action, though at the end, it was Heartbreakers breaking the hearts of the Bootleggers with a close
final score of 79-72.

Bootleggers vs Heartbreakers

The Dominion crew rounded out their night at Tir Na Nog in Downtown Raleigh with some dark beers, good food, a horrible cover band, and Shepard’s Pie ending up in an ear.

Tir Na Nog

A big thanks goes out to FM Laura for braving the horror-movie fog and
suicide deer attempts to deliver the rest of the sleeping car back to the VA safely.

http://www.dominionderbygirls.net

http://www.carolinarollergirls.com

http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/

http://www.myspace.com/honkytonkheartbreakers

The other night, I was emailing Juju from the Atlanta Rollergirls about a hook up for some roller girl housing in Savannah. She then reminded me that Atlanta was playing Charm City the next night. Charm City Roller Girls (ranked 4th in East) were hosting a double hitter that night; one against Harrisburg Area Roller Derby the other against Atlanta’s Dirty South Derby Girls, both unranked. I decided that morning as I was brushing my teeth that I was going to road trip it! Too short of notice to gather anyone from the rest of the league, I packed an overnight bag and headed out right after the morning practice. My stupid GPS took me a weird way through the Eastern Shore so that a trip that should’ve been about 4-5 hours lasted more like six. After hunting around for a legal parking space for a half hour, I gave that up and finally found an illegal one just a block away, just in time for the opening of the doors.

The Arena where the event was taking place looked like it was originally designed as an indoor soccer facility with a clear, plastic partition around green AstroTurf and bleachers behind the side with the partition. On top of the AstroTurf, Charm City had a sport court laid for this event. The team’s benches were on the side opposite of the partition.

I arrived to Charm City and HARD warming up on the track. After grabbing a PBR and a cookie, I staked my claim around turn two and settled in. I could tell HARD wasn’t used to skating on the sport court surface because they were sliding and falling all over the place. They looked like dogs that are trying to run and turn on a linoleum floor. Charm City, on the other hand, were flying by on the outside of the track and talking to fans. I ran into a friend of mine from HARD, Plenty O’Toole, and proceeded to chat with her for awhile. She ended up sitting next to me for the duration of her team’s bout which was good cause it’s always good to have someone to talk derby to during a bout.
Harrisburg was Charm City’s first opponent. Charm City took an early lead and kept a hold of that lead for the duration of the bout. Looking at the line-ups, HARD just looked so small in the physical size of their girls compared to the members of Charm City who looked more like softball or football players! CCRG used their size to their advantage by dishing out some strategic hits against the HARD jammers. HARD also had to battle the front wall of CCRG’s Dolly Rocket and Joy Collision. Joy Collision has a beautiful way of just stepping in front of an opponent instead of crouching or doing any other Ku Fu-like methods. The HARD girls were tenacious though and put up a good fight with some good jams by Nash Villian and Mother Trucker. Unfortunately, they couldn’t overtake CCRG’s powerhouse line-up. Final score 143-62 Charm City.

Next up, Atlanta. While watching the HARD bout, every so often I would take a look at the expressions on the Atlanta girl’s faces. Needless to say, they weren’t joyful. The previous bout’s score did not deter Atlanta from coming up to the lines and bringing it. The first half looked like Atlanta was trying to figure out how CCRG played and how the team played with each other. Ineffective strategic plays kept Atlanta from scoring and gave CCRG a huge advantage. By the end of the first half, the score was very lopsided with CCRG holding the bigger chunk of the points. The second half brought a more cohesive Atlanta team back on the track. Blockers like Amelia Scareheart, Queen Loosyateetha, and SK8 Outta Compton stepped up and delivered some big blocks to CCRG’s jammers and started using WFTDA rules against them as well. Big jams from Demi Gore, Juju and Thunder Enlightening brought some much needed points to the board to lessen the gap. Though CCRG had bouted right before this bout, ATL still could not break CCRG’s formidable defense. Final score 128-78 Charm City.

After the bout, I headed down to the track and congratulated Atlanta and which ever CCRG girl I could find on a very athletic and entertaining bout. Confirming that my car was still in the place I’d left it, I followed some “shady characters” with bout programs in their back pockets to the after party which was a few blocks down and in an office building lobby. There would’ve been no way I could have found it myself. I grabbed a pint of Yuengling and waited around for some of the skaters to show up; eying the buffet but keeping away all the while. No sooner after I’d gone to get another pint did the Atlanta people show up. Even though I was the lone Dominion Derby Girl there, and even though we’re playing them in May, and even though I’d gone to scope out the competition, almost every girl and even some of the refs came up to me and started chatting. I gave Juju my new beer and as I was trying to leave, she wouldn’t let me until she bought me a brew and I had to sit and chew the fat until the beer was gone. I didn’t mind in the least though because that girl and the rest of the league was so funny and nice I almost felt like family. I spent so much time with the Atlanta people that I really didn’t get to socialize with the other two teams. By the time Charm City arrived and the dancing started, I had to depart to crash at a friend’s casa and I didn’t want to show up there at three in the morning. Trekked it back to the car, texted my friend for directions, turned on the GPS, and hit the road; warm and fuzzy and more in love with Roller Derby than ever.